Everything the Heart Wants by Savannah Page

Author:Savannah Page [Page, Savannah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781542046039
Publisher: Lake Union Publishing
Published: 2017-12-11T16:00:00+00:00

When Marco comes home from his game of golf, Charlotte and I are outside, stretched out on towels in the sunniest part of the lawn, pants rolled up as high as possible, trying to tan ourselves, like when we were teenagers. Only back then we weren’t discussing affairs and separations as a two-year-old scampered about the yard with a pail and shovel. Marco’s arrival takes us by surprise, and we immediately end our conversation. There is hardly a chance he’s overheard anything—Charlotte and I see him enter the yard well before he’s within earshot. As he approaches, his bag of clubs over one brawny shoulder, I glance at Charlotte and can’t help but notice that her face looks as guilty as mine feels. She watches her husband, on tenterhooks as he lumbers across the lawn.

“Hey, girls!” Marco calls out. He bubbles with cheer, clearly—and fortunately—clueless about the goings-on.

Charlotte quickly leans over and whispers to me, “How could I have done this to the person I love most in the world? Look at him. How stupid am I?”

As I drive home along the Ventura Freeway, I keep running Charlotte’s question through my head. Traffic’s heavy, as it often is on Saturday afternoons. How does one find herself hurting the person she loves most? Is the hurting some sign that you may not love that person as much as you think you do, or claim to? Do we all hurt the ones we love most because we love them so much? Do we hurt as badly as we do because of the strength of our love?

I laugh under my breath at the thought of having some kind of a self-help podcast streaming in my car right about now. I click on the radio. As I’m about to turn up the volume, my cell phone rings. The caller ID on my dash reads “Adam.”

We said we’d have lunch again. It hasn’t been long since our last one, and he’s already calling to plan our next. Is he eager? Should I read into his eagerness?

“Hey, Adam,” I say after I press the “Call Answer” button on my steering wheel.

He doesn’t respond immediately, so I ask if he’s there, if the line’s cut out.

“Halley.” His voice is clipped, as if saying my name takes an enormous amount of effort.

Immediately I jump to panic. “Adam, are you okay? Did you get into a wreck or something?”

Whenever there’s a heady pause over the phone or I can detect someone’s about to deliver bad news, I always assume a car accident. I don’t know if it’s because of my own car accident years ago or the state of anxiety that visits whenever I get behind the wheel.

“No, no,” Adam says, promptly allaying my fears.

I am relieved. And, oddly, a twinge joyful. I’ve never doubted my love for Adam since we committed to the separation. You can’t help, though, but wonder how committed you still are after a month apart. The thought of Adam merely scratched and bruised in a car wreck sends stinging needles all over my skin.

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